His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
