Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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