she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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