according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
