hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
