"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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