five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
We named our party play list daddy issues
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
