I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
