We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
