They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
