i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
