There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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