Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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