She's JV to your varsity
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
