i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
this boner is exhausting
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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