It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
