I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
