I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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