I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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