SEEEEXXX PLEASE
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
