do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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