My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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