Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
