I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I can't turn off my feet"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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