The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
