last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We have so much sex to catch up on
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
