A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
