last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm like, not good at living.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
