I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
