Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Randomize
