We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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