i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
