he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
