I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
