i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
