That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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