Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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