she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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