addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Randomize
