He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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