why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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