So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
