Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
