I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
