M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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