ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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