My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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