yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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