You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
