Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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